Snow, Snuggies, and Snot.

Hang gang! How was your week? Mine was boogertasic!

Sorry I haven't been able to massage your mind boobs with my gloves of knowledge for the past few days. I've been ill. I typically get one serious bug a year and this one is a doozers. But hey, I got to catch up on reading, sleeping, and WWE wrestling, so it wasn't a complete wash.

Snow?
Still? Fuck off winter!

Snuggies
In my dayquil induced comma I came across numerous ads for a new product called a Snuggie. Have you seen this? It's basically a blanket, with sleeves. What will they think of next?!? Last time I checked a blanket with sleeves was a sweater. What's next? How about a "blanket" with sleeves and legs with elastic around the waist.. with a hood. Watch out Ron Popeil, I'm comin' for you! And what an unfortunate name for a product. Didn't any of the marketing brain wizards for this product attend junior high?

Gotta run! I have to go let a bird out of it's cage for a while. Oddly enough, that is not a euphemism for anything.

Tune in tomorrow for the next installment! Same Bob-time, same Bob-channel.

Friday MF's!!!

Hey gang! Happy Friday!

I realize I haven't been able to inject your souls with the sweet tickle of my philosophers stone for a few days. For that I apologize. This week got away from me. Can we still be friends?

Oscars!
I am a big fan of the Oscars! Not because I enjoy watching them, but because I own at picking the winners! What do you folks think for best picture? Will it be obvious like Titanic? Or backdoor bullshit like Shakespeare in Love? You won't have to wait long my baby Bobbys!

Snow huh?
It's snowing again! I am glad that the layer of dog turds and cigarette butts will be dusted over. But I am so tired of winter. Every year in late February-early March I always vow that next year I will live someplace warm like LA or Vegas. But where do I end up the same time every year? You guessed it, in my place of residence sitting on the couch in my underwear cramming Fruit Loops in to my lazy fat face. Better luck next year right?

Congrats to Ben on his big D! You have earned some Vegas Lounge my friend.

I was thinking of live blogging the Oscars, but I will be watching them with 75% of the people who read this blog. Sorry mom!

Tune in Monday for the next installment! Same Bob-time, same Bob-channel!

Monday, Monday.

Hey gang! How was your weekend? Mine was a heart-shaped turd.

Opening
We opened the new show at Brave New Workshop this weekend to three sold out crowds! How to Make Love Like a Minnesotan warmed hearts and tickled funny bones on this very romantic weekend. We also broke some records in bar sales. Kudos to the cast, crew, an front of house staff on a job well done!

You have Super-Spoken
Big fucking surprise that Batman won the poll! Maybe the next superhero poll I do will be right after a new Superman movie is released. An even bigger surprise is that Captain America got zero votes. WTF? What more does he have to do for this country for the eleven of you to show him some respect? Sorry to editorialize. Can we still be friends? Congrats to the Bat-Chode!

Fringe lotto
Tune into one of our favorite websites FringeFamous.com for live coverage of the MN Fringe Festival lottery! If you are not interested in the Fringe, check it out anyway. It is a very funny site!

That's all for now! Gotta teach a class!

Tune in tomorrow for the next installment. Same Bob-time, Same Bob-channel!

Final Preview and Fake Retiring.

Hey gang! I hope your Thursday is as swankeriffic as mine is!

Final Preview...
Tonight, 8pm, Brave New Workshop. This is our last chance to work out any kinks before opening tomorrow night. Come check it out!

Favre
Either retire or don't. I'm tired of your mind games!

Superb!
It's neck and neck between the big two in the Super Poll! Only 2 days left to let your voice be heard!

Gotta run! More Bobledge tomorrow! Same Bob-time, same Bob-channel.

Walking Tacos and Melting Snow.

Hey gang! I hope your Wednesday is treating you like the Kings and Queens you are.

Walking Tacos
I was at a friends ice-skating and tacos birthday party last night. Alas, the warm February weather left a shortage of ice to skate on. But there was no shortage of walking tacos! Apparently I'm the only person on the planet who didn't know what these delectable gems were. Basically you open up a small bag of your favorite tortilla chips(I chose Cool Ranch Doritos), crush up the chips, then add your meat, cheese, lettuce, salsa, etc., grab a fork and enjoy! How have I not heard of this? It combines my two passions: food and laziness. Kudos to the fat, lazy bastard that came up with the walking taco. I salute you!

P.S. Happy B-Day AC!

Mild Temps
The annual thaw is beginning to take place in the frozen tundra, though a little earlier than normal. Is anyone else grossed out by the wreckage that has been revealed over the last few days? Cigarette butts, dog shit, and wrappers now litter our streets and yards. It's as if Minnesotans hide their trash under the snow like a teenage boy hides porn under his mattress.

Gotta run. Rehearsal beckons.

Tune in tomorrow for another installment. Same Bob-time, same Bob-channel!

A-Rod and Al-J Rantaroo!

Hey gang! How was your weekend? Mine was busy with previews.

A-Rod
Holy balls is baseball in trouble! If you haven't heard, Yankee 3rd baseman Alex Rodriguez admitted to using performance enhancing drugs between 2000 and 2003 while playing shortstop for the Texas Rangers. In an era of asterisks being put next to records and McCarthy-like steroid witch hunts it seemed as though it couldn't get any worse for America's pastime. It did. I don't know about you guys, but I am sick of hearing about this shit! My father's generation had Mantle, Dimaggio, Mays, and Aaron. Our generation is saddled with question marks like Bonds, McGuire, Sosa, Clemens, and now A-Rod. I love baseball. I hate what it has become. Who do you blame? The players, the owners, the commissioner, or all of the above? Something needs to change. Either expose them all or keep it all under raps. Why was it necessary to bring this info about A-Rod to light 5 years after the fact? Why did the players union let this happen? There will be no punishment for him because he used before specific rules and tests were put into place to do so. So why bring it up? Just to put another blemish on this already pockmarked league? Commisioner Selig needs to take control of this shitstorm or step down and let someone with more stones do it for him.

Al-J
MN Timberwolves star Al Jefferson is out for the season after tearing his ACL this week. Just when you thought there might be a light at the end of the tunnel, the tunnel fucks you in the ass!

Sorry I'm so grumpy gang. I'll sleep on it and have some brighter things to chat about tomorrow. Same Bob-time, same Bob-channel!

I'm back baby!

Hey gang! Here's a weekend post to quench your thirst for some much needed Bob-knowledge(Bobledge).

Previews part 1
This weekend the cast of How to Make Love Like a Minnesotan tickled funny bones with some irreverent satire. It has been a busy weekend full of sketch cutting, lineup changing, and rehearsing. Preview weekends are always a mindfudge. Just when you start to feel comfortable with a sketch, it gets cut. Sketches you thought would go off like gangbusters are met with a titter and a grin from the audience(Cut it!). There's nothing more gut wrenching than realizing onstage that the sketch you are currently performing in won't make it to the next night of previews, much less to opening night. But, such is the business that is live sketch comedy! Long story long, we have already cut some great sketches, so the final product is going to be the best of the best. It is going to be a great show!

Potholes!
So that stretch of Hennepin ave from the Walker to Franklin Ave in uptown is fucking ridiculous! It's like playing russian roulette with your michelins. How chewed up does that pavement need to be before the city puts some new pavement down? I'm not asking for much, just fill the craters that a small child could bathe in. It's not like this is a recent issue. That stretch has been assy for years. I'm tired of feeling like I'm treking through the Australian outback in a four wheeler everytime I drive my little Honda to work!

Super-Poll(Pun intended!)
I've posted a new poll so we can answer the question that has plagued nerds and Sam Rami for years: Who is the best Superhero? Choose wisely. The fate of the world is in your capable hands!

That's all for now!

Tune in for tomorrow for the next installment. Same Bob-time, same Bob-channel!

Memorizing lines...

Hey gang! This week is a busy one for yours truly so I will have to keep it short today.

Memorizing lines...
Sucks balls! I'm pretty quick at memorizing lines, but we are really under the gun the week of previews at BNW. It truly is like one of those nightmares actors have about being on stage and not knowing what comes next. Yikes!

I promise more in the next installment. Same Bob-time, same Bob-channel!

No need for a recount!

Hey gang! It's official. Ten of you voted and 80% of you preferred peanut M&Ms over plain. A surprising 20% went to my sweet caboose. I'm sorry my rumpshaka' is so unappealing you. I vow to change your opinion of my fudge factory by the time we part ways in this cyber-life. Congrats peanut M&Ms! You earned this victory.

Previews
Previews for the next show at the Brave New Workshop start this Thursday. It's a love and sex themed show entitled How to Make Love Like a Minnesotan: Sleepless in Shakopee. So far the material is fantastic. It can only get better from here. Come check it out this weekend. Your laughter will decide which sketches stay or go. Official opening is February 13th.

Mike Fotis
A shout out to Mike for putting a link from his site to my blog. He's a pal! If you haven't already check out his site:

www.mikefotis.com

You shant be disappointed!

This is a quick one today because of tech rehearsal and line memorization. More tomorrow, I swear.

Tune in for the next installment! Same Bob-time, same Bob-channel.

Super Bowl, Puppy Bowl, Taken, BSG.

Hey gang! How was your weekend? Mine was chalked full of awesomeness!

Super Bowl
Despite what a lot of people are saying, Super Bowl 43 was not a great game. The 4th quarter was maybe the greatest quarter of football played in Super Bowl history, but even that might be stretching it.

A few Bob-lites:

-Jennifer Hudson obviously lip-syncing the National Anthem. You have the chops girl. You don't need to can that shit!
-Steeler's linebacker James Harrison intercepting a Kurt Warner pass and taking it back over 100 yards for a TD, then immediately flopping on the ground gasping for air as if he had just run a 5k after partaking in a 3 hour binge at Old Country Buffet.
-Pepsuber!
-The Miller High Life 2 second ad.
-The Boss kind of reminded me of my dad. Weird.
-After over 100 yards in penalties, the Cardinals still managed to make it a game.
-The sweet feeling of the 20 dollar bill being slapped in my palm by a disgruntled Max Liebowitz who foolhardily picked those Cardinals to win.

Taken
This movie, starring Liam Neeson, is a turd! That is all. I give it 1 1/2 Bobs out of a possible 5.

Puppy Bowl V
This is adorable! It's basically a 2 hour extravaganza of different breeds of puppies running around a tiny stadium playing, wrestling, making doodoos, etc. You'd think it would get boring watching puppies play for that length of time. You'd be wrong. Just when you are getting sick of the lineup they have on the field, out of the little tunnel comes a baby pug or beagle to pump up the crowd with their gut wrenching cuteness.


Battlestar Galactica
If you haven't seen this show, for shame! Seriously, get on your Netflix account and order the first 4 seasons, then tune in Friday nights to SciFi for the final season. It is fracking awesome!(You'll get why I used that word if you watch the show sillies.)

Candy Corner
It has been brought to my attention that I omitted peanut butter M&Ms from the "great candy poll." For this I apologize. I guess I'm just a fundamentalist who clings to the past. I don't acknowledge the newer sensations like peanut butter M&Ms, Dark Chocolate M&Ms, or the bastard child blue M&Ms.

Well that's all for now. Sorry about the late posting.(All three of you were concerned, I know.)

Tune in tomorrow for the next installment! Same Bob-time, same Bob-channel!